There. I said it.
Honestly, though, sometimes it is true. Some days I feel like a bad mother most of the day. Facebook can make one even feel like MORE of a bad mother. I know that as much as I try to be honest and open, I don’t always share everything. Does anyone!? Social networking is amazing and does a lot of good, but I also think it can do a lot of damage to our already fragile mom self esteem.
Most of the time us moms answer the age old question of “How are you doing?” with the words fine, good, or great… when on the inside we couldn’t feel farther from those things. I am not saying we never feel those things, but sometimes I think we are scared to admit how we REALLY feel. We are scared to admit our struggles, weaknesses, and sins we have in parenting that keep us from being a GREAT mom. We are afraid if we say it out loud people will shun us, hate us, think bad things about us, etc etc etc.
However, if we DON’T speak up. If we don’t find someone we can trust, who we CAN confront all our deep dark mommy secrets to, how are we supposed to overcome them? How can we heal? How can we become the better mom that all of us desire to be?
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16
So. You know what? I know SO many of you think I am a good mom. I know I have the potential TO be one. Through Christ of course… but I do not always live up to it.
I get WAY to easily angered. I snap too much. I have spanked in anger. I have even yelled PLEASE SHUT UP to my screaming baby 😦 I am way too emotional and I let those emotions control me. When I let my emotions control me I overreact, over exaggerate, yell too much, cry too much, do everything too much.
When I let my emotions control me I live in the here and now. I focus on the negative. I forget that it is a season. I forget that His mercies are new every morning. I forget that I have people on my side who love me. I forget I have a God bigger than my bad days. I let my crying/fussy/screaming baby make me angry, which leads to me feeling resentment that something so tiny is so demanding.
This leads me to question all that I know is true: That I love my children and I love being a mother.
This is all bad. VERY. VERY. BAD.
I have a feeling, at least I hope so, that other moms do this same thing. We end the day so many times looking back at how we acted, reacted, talked, yelled, said, didn’t say, etc etc etc and we are full of regret, remorse, guilt and frustration. Sometimes, we may even feel hopeless.
More days than not lately, I end the day with many of these feelings. I wonder what in the world is wrong with me that certain things bug me so much, why I cannot just relax, go with the flow more often. I lose hope in myself.
There is one big problem with this thinking though.
God hasn’t lost hope in me. He never will. He will never leave or forsake me. HE believes in me. He knows with him I can be a good mom.
Maybe it’s time I start believing it myself.