This blog is going to be a spin off of THIS BLOG I wrote about women and modesty. This time, however, it will focus on our children, and to be more specific, to mothers of daughters.
Mom’s. We have a truly important job. Whether you are a full time, stay at home mother, whether you work part time or full time, whether you homeschool or not. We have a TRULY important job. Christian momma’s, our daughters look to us to guide them. They look to use to direct them. They look to us to teach them about modesty, self-esteem and true beauty. They look to us to validate their beauty, the beauty that GOD gave them. They will run to us when others have torn that beauty down and they are hurt. They will look to us to build them back up and help them see what TRUE BEAUTY is. What INNER BEAUTY is. What it means to be a woman of God. A BEAUTIFUL woman of God.
Are we doing this?
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30
One of the biggest ways I see us slipping away from this is our wisdom, as mothers, is choosing what clothes, swimsuits, etc that our girls wear, what music they listen to and what shows they watch. To be honest, I am a little take aback at some of what I see advertised for young girls, EVEN TODDLERS, to wear.
What are we trying to do ladies? What is culture trying to say? They are trying to say that beauty is on the outside. That beauty comes from being sexy and looking good. That it comes from pushing up your assets (sorry if that is crass, but it is true) and having clothes so tight you show off every curve. What ever happened to teaching that modesty is beautiful? Modesty does not mean frumpy, by the way. I need to make that clear. We should still take some pride in our appearance. God made us beautiful, He made our daughters beautiful, and it is up to US to help them realize this, but part of doing this is teaching them what REAL beauty is.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:13-14
I am going to say something that I feel is brutally honest. It may come off harsh, and I do not intend it to. I do not intend it to be mean, rude, or unkind. I am saying it because I really believe that by NOT saying something, we will put our daughters on a self destructing path to obtain false beauty from things that are damaging to her… physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Our culture is all about sex. Look around. It isn’t hard to find. Ads, TV commercials (even in the mornings/middle of the day!!!), store catalogs (umm Abercrombie anyone??), obsession with plastic surgery, obsession with “being skinny” or “being thin”, obsessions with working out, getting in shape, getting buff, etc etc etc. All of these are a way to make yourself appear “sexier.” You can agree or not, but culturally speaking THAT is the message that is being yelled loud and clear. If you want more guys/girls to like you, you need to be and look sexier. Culture says that beauty is all about what you look like on the outside. Who cares if you are spoiled, selfish, and rude, as long as you have the perfect, gorgeous body and are sexy and hot, than you are good, right?
So WHY in the WORLD are we forcing this in the pre-pubescent years!? It is really just sick, to be honest. It makes my skin crawl and my stomach upset, and my heart hurt. Deeply hurt. Don’t believe me? Toddler and Tiaras, and shows of the like. Go to Target or other stores and look at the dolls. Bratz, Barbies even, etc etc. MANY of them have this “I am sexy be like me” look and message. I read something recently that Victoria’s secret was going to have a line of THONGS for pre-teen/tween girls, and panties with words such as “kiss me”, “call me” etc written across the booty. Small children in dance companies who dance and dress sexy. Andrew and I have seen it, it was why we stopped watching “so you think you can dance.” They had a group of 8-10 year olds probably, doing a sexy dance to some beyonce song, dressing like they should be working the streets. It was really disturbing and disgusting. I see toddler bikinis even ones with little triangle tops! Why in the world does your toddler, preschooler or elementary age child NEED a bikini? Some may think it is cute, but come on. We need to wake up moms. They are trying to sexualize our girls, even YOUNG girls. They are trying to implant, at a young age, into their brains that sex is beauty. That in order to be beautiful you have to be sexy. Call me crazy, but bathing suits like that are unnecessary and, to me, inappropriate.
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things. Philippians 4:8
Moms, letting your young girls wear things such as this is sending a bad message. It is sending THEM the wrong message. It is sending others the wrong message, and yes, I believe it excites pedophiles, which DEEPLY hurts me. I would give anything to make sure my girls never fall victim to something like this. Why would I choose to dress them in something that could make them a target? We may not mean to, we may think it is cute, but I think that as mothers, we need to have better discernment at times. As someone who was sexually abused (no, I did not dress too sexy etc, I know it is not always about what the woman wears, and there are many bad people out there in this broken, decaying world), it is something I NEVER want others to experience. It hurts and it is a battle that can be hard to overcome.
LET. THEM. BE. LITTLE.
I want to be extra cautious. I want to do so in order to protect something of utmost value to me. Something that is a gift from the Lord, that HE entrusted into my care. My daughters. They are fragile. Woman are emotional creatures, and that starts as soon as the Lord decides they will be female. We need to choose wisely. We need to make sure we instill the RIGHT type of beauty and what it means into our daughters lives. GOD’S beauty, not man’s. Not cultures. We need to help them understand beauty does not come from being sexy and looking “hot”, but true beauty comes from the inside. I want my girls to value themselves. I want them to know the importance of purity. I want them to know the importance and gift of sex that God gave us, but only to be used within the bounds of marriage. I want them to realize the beauty of abstinence and a heart for God. I do not think I can preach this message and let them wear, watch, or listen to, or even play with toys, that teach the opposite or leave an impression on their delicate hearts that sex is the way to be beautiful.
They will soon enough battle self esteem issues. They will soon enough be bombarded with messages of sex and false beauty. Why start early? Why place onto their impressionable hearts that THIS is the way to dress and act? And then as they approach pre-teen and teenage years, we wonder where we went wrong when we see who they hang out with, what they are doing, how they are dressing etc.
Moms. Choose wisely. Sexy isn’t cute, it is just preaching that sex is beauty. Those of us in Christ know that is not true. God has better for us. God has better for our daughters.
And let not your adornment be merely external– braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. 1 Peter 3:3-5