This morning did NOT start off as I would have liked… unless of course you like waking up to a crying fit as soon as your child get outs of bed. Granted, there are days I want to cry because I have to get out of bed. LOL.
Anyway, my oldest daughter, Katie, has preschool on Tuesday and Thursday. Today is Thursday. It is preschool day. She is usually so ready to get up and so excited.
That was NOT the case today.
Today, she woke up, as normal (it always takes her a few min to come to the world, but that I can handle) tried to take off her PJ’s and I heard her in the bathroom sobbing. She then walked back to her room continuing her sob fest. GOOD MORNING TO ME, right!? I think pirate speak would be appropriate here, so I will insert an “ARGHHHHHH” I mean everyone thinks it is super fantastic to wake up to crying and fits, yes? NOT. Honestly, that is one of THE worst things for me. Babies, and toddlers who are still in the crib, I expect, that is not what I mean. LOL.
Those who know Katie know she is highly sensitive. She is a highly sensitive child. If you are unsure what that means, or wondering if you child may apply, read about it here. There is also a book you can buy that I encourage you to read. It talks about it on the link I sent. Katie gets VERY upset VERY easily, and sometimes has a hard time calming down. When I realized she was upset because she couldn’t get her jammies unbuttoned to get the shirt off, I went to her room and calmly told her it was ok, and it can be tricky. I helped her. She was STILL crying. I tried to help her calm down, but it wasn’t working.
She came down for breakfast. STILL crying. 10 min have passed since the jammie incident,and she was STILL upset. When I asked her why she was still so upset, she told me that she couldn’t get her PJ’s off. I told her that they were off, she was dressed, and she needed to calm down. She didn’t calm down. She was freaking out crying harder. OH. MY. GOSH. I am about to lose it, I thought. Trying to get the girls ready for PreK is hard enough, now I had this too. I was growing frustrated. I am just glad I got up earlier and took a shower. I am SURE that helped. I always feel better ready to tackle the day when I have a shower (mommy confession: no, I do not shower daily. Usually. Sue me. LOL. And no, I do not have a newborn, I just still don’t shower everyday).
I had done so well for awhile trying to stay calm for her, but I finally just, mommy confession coming… snapped. I raised my voice and told her she was being ridiculous 😦 I told her she was losing TWO marbles from her jar (which is fine, I may have done that anyway, seeing as she does this crying thing for me more than ANYONE else). Later, when she had STILL not calmed down, then I… sigh… swatted her butt 😦 NOT. A. GOOD. MORNING.
That wasn’t the worst though.
I then yelled at her “I wish I could just drive by and toss you out for preschool today!”
I realized I had been mean and drew her close to me. I told her what I learned on the Duggar who (yes,I like them lol) where she says “I need your eyes” and I tried to explain why I got so upset, what we both could have done differently, what Jesus wants us to act like and learn from this, and that Jesus AND mommy love her and always will. I hugged her. I didn’t want to stop.
I hate when I let my frustration out on the girls. I guess I am writing this today, to let you other mom’s know you are not alone. We all snap. We all grow frustrated. We all lose it sometimes, and I think it is pretty safe to assume we have all said things we quickly regret.
This made me begin thinking about my role as a mother vs the Heavenly Father. I am to model that to my children. I will always fail. DAILY. Some day I may fail hourly. God never does. God is the perfect parent. When I am weak and weary, He is strong. “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10
He never sleeps or slumbers. This made me look where this came from. It comes from Psalm 121. I think this is a BEAUTIFUL psalm for motherhood
See, the Lord is always ready and willing to help us. HE is the one who provides us the strength to get through this amazing,wonderful, IMPORTANT job of motherhood. The Lord will give us help and provide what we need to be the mother’s He designed us to be…but I admit, sometimes I do not remember this. I snap before I pray. I get frustrated before I fall to my knees. The Lord is ready and willing to help us, even in the mundane. Even in the tantrums. The fits. The crying spells…. EVERYTHING!
3 He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
When we truly focus on Christ, He WILL help us make the right decisions. He WILL help us remain calm. He WILL help us be patient, speak lovingly, guide gently, and discipline, in love, when we need to. We may grow weary and need rest, but the Lord never does. No matter WHAT time of day we need Him, He is there, ready and willing to help and guide us.
5 The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
No matter what comes to us in the day – or night, as we know motherhood is a 24/7 job – The Lord WILL keep us. He WILL be with us. He WILL guide us to make the right choices for our children, no matter if it is on a good day, bad day, or a day in between.
7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
8 The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.” Psalm 121
The Lord will keep you from all evil. Yikes. I didn’t do so well at that this morning. If I am honest with myself, I didn’t go the Lord BEFORE I got overly frustrated. If I am REALLY honest with myself, I often fail to remember this. I rely on my own emotions and let them get the best of me. In the end though, I only hurt the child I love deeply, and myself. If I would choose to go to the Lord FIRST, before I let my emotions over take me, He WILL keep me from evil. He will keep me from acting out in selfish, unloving, unkind, damaging, hurtful and impatient ways.
How long will God do this for us?? It says FROM THIS TIME FORTH and FOREVERMORE!! Awesome right!? Momma’s let us try to remember this. Let us try and remember to Go to the Lord FIRST in all situations with our children. I think sometimes we are great about going to Him in the good times, or prayers for something that is upcoming with our child, but if you are like me, I sometimes forget to go to Him in the heat of the moment. I need to work on this.