if I am honest…

I have been thinking alot about how to write this, when to write this or even IF I should write this. The thought just kept going over and over in my head, and I felt pretty compelled to be honest. Truth be told, I think I AM being honest…. I think those who say otherwise are either 1) crazy 2) lying to look good or 3) lying to themself. I am going to write and share some things that have been getting me down lately. AND. It’s about motherhood. I had many people tell me HOW wonderful motherhood is… and it is! don’t get me wrong. OH I love my girls so much I could just squeeze the cute out of them like paula dean with a stick of butter! BUT sometimes motherhood is NOT “fun”nor easy. After the 53294819248 tantrum of the day for simply saying “I am sorry we cannot play with the ant poison liquid bait. Yes, this happened to me. SIGH. MOM of the year award right here. I guess that’s what I get for having to pee. CURSE YOU BLADDER! Motherhood is exhausting at times. Some day you may feel like a failure. MOMMY GUILT SUCKS…. So, I wanted to share a FEW things that I find hard about motherhood, or things that made me down some days. I promised in my blog I would be open and honest, so here it goes.

1) I don’t like the same thing. every. day. I will do ok for awhile, but then I hit a season in my life where the monotony brings me down. YES, to answer your question, we do differant things each day. I have some sort of schedule. THAT is what gets to me. I admit I do sometimes miss the days that I could just do whatever, whenever. I meanI guess I COULD do that but not only would it be selfish, but it would be incredibly unfair to my children.
2) I get tired of ALWAYS. COOKING. SOMETHING. or preparing someones food, drink, whatever. LOL.
3) My 19 months old still poops like a crazy person who took a box of laxatives, mistaking them for chocolates. So, after the 4th poop of the day, I am so over the poop. HAHA! THANK the Lord for my husband. HE. IS. AWESOME. He changed ALL the dirty diapers today ๐Ÿ™‚ GOD BLESS HIM!
4) I don’t know why, but bedtime stresses me out! I mean I guess cause I worry they wont ever sleep, or whatnot, which is dumb. I mean, if they have a bad night, I will make it! I will survive as the song says. HMM perhaps I should sing that to myself!

These are a few things that, if I allow myself to dwell on, I can become quickly depressed, have a pity party and be down on myself. I think part of the reason I allow these things to frustrate me is because I suffer with being a perfectionist. I worry if I mess up lunch, or dinner, or bedtime, what not, or don’t figure out whyย my child hasย  fit, then I STINK as a mom. I know that isn’t true! I mean, shoot, WAY better moms than me have said you won’t always know what the tantrum is for! LOL. THAT’S OK! It’s ok if they fuss and don’t want to eat what I have for them. They REALLY won’t starve themself! I get down on myself for feeling the slightest bit of frustration, sadness, or whatever… because I tell myself it must mean I am doing a bad job or don’t love my children. Well, that is NOT true. AND it isn’t true for YOU either. ALL moms (at least the honest and sane ones) feel this way at times! ALL moms get frustrated. ALL moms miss things. ALL moms need a break. ALL moms get sad. ALL moms get overwhelmed. I think it comes with the territory of being a mom ๐Ÿ™‚ Being a mom really IS a great job! BUT, as a friend pointed out, no matter WHAT you do in life… contractor, architect, bussiness man, or president of the USA… you will GET frustrated, you may GET down. You may GET tired and exhausted and overwhelemed. I think its part of being… well… human. and its OK. The feelings are not wrong. How you handle them can sometimes be, as I admit, I don’t always handle them the best way. After I am done writing this blog, I think the hubs and I are gonna have a talk about some things, and hopefully I can seek advice, wisdom, support and love. It’s part of what God gave me a husband! TO work through the hard times of parenting together! ๐Ÿ™‚

I also realized even JESUS himself felt this way at times. I think we forget that sometimes. He felt these things, yet unlike sinful me, didn’t sin in them. He got angry. He got tired. He got overwhelmed. I mean, there are a few examples of him going off alone to pray. He NEEDED that time. I also realized… he loved us SO much he died for us, but I don’t think he was necessarily “happy” about doing it or enjoyed his agony and torture and anguish. I LOVE my girls and would do anything for them, but I think its OK if I dont always ENJOY every aspect of motherhood.

I do love beinga mom! and I LOVE my girls! I just wanted to share a bit about what has been hard for me sometimes. I wanted to be honest. I promised I would be, so there it is. Take it or leave it. Agree with with me, or think I am the worst mother ever. I do hope that this encouraged some of you out there who may be feeling things sometimes but are scared to share.

Mom’s let’s not take ourselves too seriously ok? It’s really ok if we burn the chicken, run out of wipes,ย need to skip naptime, serve lunch 30 min late, forget snack, or bedtime goes wrong. Our kids still love us…. and WE still love them ๐Ÿ™‚ and remember this… we ARE strong. With God, we can do anything He calls us to do!!! AMEN!

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2 thoughts on “if I am honest…

  1. Try not to be burdened by making things you feel are “mistakes”…our kiddos don’t know that! I am also working on that.
    They are just happy we are there to give them attention, love on them, play with them, and just be silly with them, regardless of how the schedule gets screwed up! I just take one day at a time and do the best I can and I have to be okay with that, u know? Love you girl. Thanks for sharing your heart.

    1. yup! ๐Ÿ™‚ I have at least been more relaxed this time around about schedule! Bedtime still gets to me sometimes! LOL. but like today, we were out until WELL after nap. and it was OK, and we ALL had fun ๐Ÿ™‚

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