Thing I need to work on…

As humans, we are NOT perfect. We all have things we need to work on. If you don’t, well you are either 1) dead and dont know it, lol or 2) you are lying. One should always be striving to be better. One always has “that” area that is hard for them to overcome. I uhhh have a few. I guess I suck, or maybe I am just “too” honest (can one really be TOO honest?) therefore I am not ashamed or scared to admit what I fail at on a regular basis. In fact, I think sometimes writing it out, especially telling others, can be therapy. It can cause us to openly admit our struggles, therfore we now KNOW people know about our dark secrets. It is easy to appear and act perfect and like you have it all together when you hide all your struggles away… it can also be lonely, deadly and damaging. It causes one to probably NEVER get over that area of struggle. We NEED help. We are human, we were created for relationships. We were not made to go at it alone. Going at it alone, in my opinion, is one sure way to fail or never overcome it…

So, with that said, here are some things I need to work on. Please don’t judge me for them, rather, pray for me that I, with love, support, friends, family and my Lord, can overcome these and get better and better on a daily basis 🙂

1) I can be TOO nice sometimes. This may sound weird as you wonder how ANYONE could be TOO anything… well sometimes I am too nice, therefore people walk all over me, or I am miserable because I am too afraid to admit someone really hurt me. If someone is being a, ahem, Bi**h” to me, I don’t always tell them… to be honest, the only person that’s hurting is me. Now, I am not saying I  have the right to go and be a bi**h to everyone else, but just because we are called to be loving and kind, doesn’t mean we can’t have self esteem and stand up for ourselves and for what is right. In fact, it probably hurts God more to have him see me NOT stand up for the person He made me in him. If I dont, in a way, its like I am ashamed of who I am. NO. GOOD. need to work on this…

2) EVERYONE, I mean EVERYONE who knows me, know I struggle with worry. Yup. that pretty much sums it up. And if I dont have anything I am worried about, i tend to worry casue I am NOT worrying. Pretty stupid. I know. LOL. I also can be a little OCD at times, BUT i have been working alot on that, and I am doing better. I dont HAVE to always dust the house perfectly, not every toy has to be picked up by a certain time, its ok to not shower EVERY day (ok I dont go weeks at a time, but I have been known to skip a day here and there lol), it’s OK if I forget to brush the kids teeth sometimes, it’s OK if dinner didnt’ turn out EXACTLY as planned… IT. IS. GOING. TO. BE. OK!!! I really will. LOL. The girls teeth won’t fall out, I won’t stink up the entire house with B.O., we dont die of allergic reactions because the house didnt’ get dusted… etc… It will ALL be ok!

3) I am scared to admit this, as when you do, God tests you haha, but I admit. I don’t always have patience. Katie, my oldest, is EXTREMELY sensitive. She is a highly sensitive child, or “hsc” as its called… so she becomes very easily overwhelmed, frustrated, etc. Sometimes I know what caused it and its easier for me to deal with it. THEN, there are times that she busts our crying as loud and hard as niagra falls, and I have absolutely NO. IDEA. WHY. I become frustrated and lose patience with her sometimes 😦 I hate myself when I do that. I have screamed or yelled 😦 So, I need to do better at finding my calm happy place, so to speak, even if I dont always understand whats going on. After all, what good is it to have TWO girls crying? Darn us women and our emotions! I just need more patience in general sometimes, especially when I am tired. I snap easier at those I care about the most. I am also highly sensitive myself, lol, hence I think a large reason why its hard when I don’t know what to do or say… which leads me to…

4) I put too much pressure on myself to BE perfect or BE a certain thing or person, rather than being PROUD of who I am. I am not miss sally sunshine all the time and thats ok. I am not miss suzy homemaker. I don’t sew. I don’t croquet (ha I probably even spelled it wrong!) I don’t knit. I don’t make my own yarn out of alpaca fur. I don’t like making dinner from scratch. I don’t even always like cooking (GASP I AM SUCH A HORRIBLE WIFE!) I don’t like making fru fru dinners. I dont like SUPER girly clothes (though I LOVE handbags and shoes hehe) I don’t always take a daily shower, shoot, I even forget to brush my teeth sometimes. I don’t wear alot of makeup. I don’t “do” sexy. I will never be one of those head turning type of women. I will never have rock hard abs. This “pressure” is what fueled my struggle with eating disorders several years ago. I am over that, thankfully, but I will ALWAYS have to be careful NOT to buy into certain things, otherwise I could easily slip back into believing those lies of “perfection” that are so rampat in today’s society.  So what am I? 🙂 I am still awesome, and I need to remember that. What DO I do? I enjoy art, drawing/painting modern/contemporary stuff, singing, playing piano, dancing. I love writing music and have even taught a song I wrote to my home church and we sang it as a congretation. I should be proud of those talents God gave me, rather than putting pressure on myself to be or do everything. I am cute. I am beautiful the way God made me. I am a loving wife and mother. I LOVE being a mom, a stay at home mom. I love making up songs for the girls. I love being silly with them. I love using the talents God gave me to teach my girls, play with my girls and have fun family days! I love cooking fun, easy, quick dinners. I LOVE being a wife. I love supporting my awesome husband and spending time with him. I LOVE encouraging, loving, and helping others. I love reading. I love learning. I love things on sharks, weather ,esp tornados, really anything ocean haha. I am short and sweet and petite 😉 and hey, as people have told me. CUTE lasts. beauty doesnt’ 😉 haha. just kidding… but really! we all are gonna end up old, gray hair and wrinkly and all the stuff we used to do as young people, we will probably forget it anyway, so we all start over at square one! haha – I CAN’T do it all… and you know what? ITS OK!

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