Solitary Confinement

Every so often I try and limit myself to the outside world. More specifically. Facebook (or whatever internet social network you use). I know I can’t technically run off and TRULY have solitude… though let me tell you, some days it would be A-W-E-S-O-M-E!! I love my kids TO DEATH. I love them UNCONDITIONALLY….But, Lord help me, they do get on my LAST NERVE at times. MOMMY THIS MOMMY THAT. BUT WHY? NO! I DONT WANNA! DO I HAVE TO!? Or, like my near 10 month old, just whining, shrieking when she doesnt’ get what she wants, getting into things I have told her NO to more times than I can count, much less remember. I love being a mom. BUT…

Being a mom is hard. You face exhaustion, frustrations, problem solving, losing your cool at times, TRYING to STAY cool… Lately, my oldest daughter has become a bit of a dare devil, which, in turn, leads to fall after fall after fall. She has bruises that SHE doesn’t even know how she got! LOL. she is so her mommy’s child. I have got to be one of the most KLUTZY people in the world. How the crap did I ever manage to be a cheerleader and dance team? or even drama for that matter. I DO NOT know. I never once fell off the stage, never once fell in a dance routine, never once fell during cheerleading jumps. It amazes me actually. That had to have been a God thing right there. That lets me know God is real. I mean, that is the ONLY explanation for how I made it through those things without a broken bone. I  have YET (knock on wood) to actually HAVE a broken bone! its amazing really with how much i fall, run into things, trip over imaginary things on the floor, etc… However, I have torn up ligaments in my wrist, ankle and under my knee, all of which STILL hurt sometimes, especially when its cold and rainy (like today, fun times!) AND, lucky me these pains probably wont go away unless I have surgery. Umm no thanks. I will just handle some pain and walking funny… yikes. So, yes, a little bit of my accident history and its no wonder Katie falls HAHA. She is NOT athletic, poor thing… though she is actually pretty good a volleyball…. which I actually played! AMAZING. i think its cause I didnt’ have to run around much haha, because Lord knows I was not born to run. I SUCK at running actually…. So, all of these things build up when you are a mother. You are constantly getting drained of energy. Oh, but how its worth it….SO SO SO worth it! 😀

Nevertheless… I am TIRED. I know I am in need of more solitude and more time away from the computer world when my emotions start getting the best of me. I start getting irritated with people, situations, comments (that wouldn’t normally bug me), I get irritated with what “perfect suzy Q homemaker” has as her status update about having the worst day EVER because her cupcakes burned and her pink frosting turned out sunset pink, rather than bubble gum pink like the martha stewert magazine SAID. Sorry. I have better things to worry about than pseudo pink cupcakes. When I start feeling like I want to take that fake pink cupcake and shove it in her perfectly painted face then paint her walls, floor and furniture with the remainder of the “not right pink” frosting… thats a warning bell going off that. Umm Emily. I think you need to just STEP OFF for a bit, before you frost someone to death or vandalize their perfectly matching decor (which also makes me want to vomit). I will be lucky if I  have a “living room ensemeble” or any other furniture ensemble by the time I am ehh say 80, and even then, it won’t be mine, it’ll be the nursing home and it will be “hospital white decor.” Complete with its own line of “perfume!” Wow see!? This momma needs a TIME OUT! HAHA

When I start panicking over this or that, over what don or bill or jess or vicky thinks of me, I know that I have spent a little too much time with Tom (is that the facebook guys name??) Its tom, or dave, or I dunno, something 1 syllable… anyhoo, why I spend so much time on that crappy site, I don’t know. Nothing ever works right ha! OR, maybe it not working is a sign I need a break. Maybe God is trying to say “THOU SHALT GET OFF FACEBOOK FOR A PERIOD OF 3 DAYS” or however long I decide to take a break for… haha. When I start caring more what the “internet” world thinks of me rather than my kids, husband, and above all, GOD… THAT IS NOT GOOD FOLKS. If I am walking in God’s will (which I pray for daily, and do my best to do) I shoudnt’ give a FLYING FLIP what others think of me or what I am doing, EVEN if they are a friend and disagree with me.  Now, mean people just flat out SUCK. But even then? Who cares about them? Mean people are only mean because they dont love themself enough to be able to love others. I dont often remember this…

These last couple of weeks I have started letting what people are saying to me on facebook get to me. Like. REALLY get to me. REALLY REALLY. I have been in TEARS over certain things. I have snapped at Andrew because I am too embarssed to admit that what suzy cupcake said hurt me and made me feel like curling up and dying in a lake of pink frosting. Though, if you HAVE to go, that would NOT be a bad way! mmm cupcakes…I will have to make some this week during the time I would have been slowly KILLING myself on facebook… ok sorry, anyway! LOL. Really. Sometimes facebook can slowly kill you. things people say CAN tear down your self esteem. Things people say on facebook, at times, are rude, inappropriate, condescending, etc… The danger of a world like that, is no one can reach through the computer screen and smack the crap outta you for saying something like that. NOW FACEBOOK! THAT would be an update worth doing!!!! can you Imagine how much nicer people would be if there was a “BI*** slap” button!??? And you could push it and a giant hand would come of your computer and slap the living daylights outta you!? You can choose how many slaps you think someone should get too! 1 for just saying something totally lame, 2 for saying something lame AND rude, etc… OH that would be so awesome… kinda. Unless I got slapped, then not so much…

I am a VERY emotional person. I struggle with self esteem. I have MAJOR issues with worrying what certain people think of me. Therefore, when my feelings start getting the best of me. It’s time to sign off a while. As awesome, amazing and perfect and Jesus Christ was. Even HE took time for “solitary confinement.”

“In these days he (Jesus) went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God.” Luke 6:12

The disciples also went away alone at times:
“On the next day the crowd that remained on the other side of the sea saw that there had been only one boat there, and that Jesus had not entered the boat with his disciples, but that his disciples had gone away alone.” John 6:22

I think that this reminds us that everyone needs some “solitary confinement” to a certain degree. Time with God. Time concentrated on praying to the Father. Time focused on Him alone and NOT on others. Concerning yourself with what He thinks of  us, what HE wants us to do, NOT what our facebook friends are doing or think we should do. The only way to know what God wants of us, is to spend some QUALITY TIME with him. ALONE. How do you build relationships with your kids? with your family? with your spouse? QUALITY TIME. I can’t have very good quality time with Andrew, my kids, much less God, if I am so focused on what the world around me thinks. So. I just need some time away. I need some alone time with kids, family, GOD. I need some, no CRAVE some… solitary confinement…if I am so burned out and getting annoyed and irritated so easy lately, I won’t be able to effectively witness, help others, serve others, etc. I cant do any of those things unless I am grounded and rooted in Christ. I can’t be rooted in Christ, if I am to busy worrying what so and so is doing today, or what so and so read, watched, knitted, created out of dog food, did in the bathroom, where they laid their purse, or that they sewed together old carpet fragments to make a nifty sweater!

Do YOU need some time off??? Think about it…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s