My love and hate relationship with my….

boobs! Yes, I said it. BOOBS. BOOBIES. BREASTS. MELONS. TATAS. Whatever you want to call them, its true, I have a love hate relationship wtih them. Admit it. You do too. Honestly? Most times I hate them. Oh, I am sorry, I offended them. Ugh. I love them too. What can I say? I love them too, they make me woman. I am PROUD to be a female.  Sometimes I question the HOW or why having these things on my body are really NECESSARY… but I am proud of the woman I was created. MOST times…

Lets be real here ladies (or men, who HAVE ladies in their life as I am sure you somewhat “get” my point) most of the time boobs are just plain annoying! Right!? I mean, we are supposed to be proud of what we were created, yet we constantly have to strap them down, harness them in, smoosh them, squish them, push them together, and all sorts of other, what I think to be torture to the poor things. Bras are FROM THE DEVIL. Why cant I just find a comfortable one! One that the straps dont fall down, and the back strap fits snuggly enough to actually HOLD them puppies in. Better yet!?? Why cant we let them just BE FREE!? Why? because either A) we would get ridiculed, called sleezy, slutty, or other inappropriate, condescending names B) they would hang down so low that it would be even MORE uncomfortable than strapping the poor things down or C) the would bounce all over, smack you in the fact, or give you back pain – which I already have enough of that, lets not add to it. Luckily, and I thank the Good Lord almight daily for this, mine are NOT that large, so I mainly just have to worry about letter A here…and as another blog post, I really dont wanna pull a britney spears at walmart, especially considering I have 2 children. I don’t want to shame the poor dears….

Another thing I dont like about boobies, as my oldest daughter calls them… is having to EXPLAIN to her what they are. SIGH. The other day she was sitting, in just panties, waiting for me to get her dressed for church, when she grabbed her chest, jumped up and declared, ALMOST loud enough for the entire Baltimore county to hear her…. “DADDY!!! I HAVE LITTLE BOOBIES!” I think Andrew just stood there shell shocked. He kinda mumbled then, of course, said “Um you need to go ask your mommy about that.” So, next think I know Katie comes bounding down the hallway holding her “little boobies” and exclaims to me “MOMMY! I have little boobies, you  have bigger boobies, and daddy has no boobies! RIGHT!? RIGHT MOMMY! RIGHT!?” ummmm yeah, sure. I was trying my darndest to maintin composure, but was NOT successful. I admit, I busted out laughing, probably not the BEST way to handle that, but it caught me TOTALLY off guard! the child isnt’ even 3!! I thought I had at least another year before this “I have this, you have that, daddy has a uhhh lets not think about htat  yet…” charade. SIGH. My little girl is growing up and I am NOT looking forward to some of it. HAHA. Of course, the best part is when i asked her “Where did you learn that Katie” she goes “AT CHURCH!” UMMMMMMMMMMMM WHAT IN THE **** ?” Yeah, thats what I was thinking…. I dont think THAT part was entirely accurate, since she knew we were getitng ready for church… lol but still…

Although I love my…size…now, I didn’t always. Growing up boobs and chest size was something that came up almost everywhere. In junior high and high school while other girls were “blossoming” I remained flat as the Kansas plains. Did I like it THEN? No. In fact, I cried about it, a lot. I contemplated stuffing my bra, but then what if the tissues fell out and came out my pants leg, that would cause a WHOLE other form of name calling, and trust me, at MY high school I got made fun of enough. Take a short, petite, shor haired (frizzy at that), fine haired, young looking (no, I had NO shape, I looked like a 12 year old, well YESTER-years 12 years olds, todays 12 years olds are blossoming faster than I can say  ‘Im dreaming of a white christmas’) flat chested girl, throw her into a high society, snobby, private, prepatory school, and just THINK about the outcome. I was basically like one of those hairless dogs, well they have that little tuft of hair, chinese crusted? I think, mixed with a bunch of,prissy french poodles with their noses so far in the air it’s a wonder they could even see where they were going. OR! Kimmy Gibbler. Poor poor sweet kimmy. I am sorry if you went there, there were SOME nice people there, and some are nice now, but lets face it, it was high school and high school always has the one poor kid that everyone picked on because they weren’t the spitting image perfection of angelina jolie… well, that was me.

Another reason boobs are not my most favorite bodily part.  THREE words. BOOB SMASHING MACHINE. Yes, I am DREADING, like DREADING the day, that I have to have my boobs smooshed and flattened flatter than ihop pancakes, between 2 plates of cold, hard, metal. MAMMOGRAMS are TORTURE people? I mean come on. It’s 2011!!! we have come SO far in other medical advances! We have “non evasive, non evasive that” cant we come up with a non evasive mammogram machine? I will do it, yes, I want to KEEP the things. Though when I think about baring all to a machine I dont even KNOW, sometimes I contemplate cutting them off just so I dont HAVE to go through it…. Well, I have another 10 years to go… I hope and pray there is a non smashing mammogram machine by then!! Though, I am so gratful we DO have a way to test for that, and I so admire women who are going through breast cancer, coming out of breast cancer… you women are my heros, and you are an inspiration! So, for that reason, I ADVOCATE mammograms and self breast exams! DO IT WOMEN! It may not be the most enjoyable experience, but it could save your life. SAVE THE TATAS!!!!!! 🙂

Now, I have said some of the reasons boobs are annoying, frustrating, etc. But there are some pretty amazing things about them too. Breastfeeding. Women who do this. YOU are also my heros! I tried, unsuccessfully, twice now. I plan on trying again if we have a third. My first NEVER got a hang of latching, and I couldnt’ keep up by just pump and feed, my second was in NICU for 2 weeks and by the time she came home, my supply just plumeted. Breastfeeding really is beautiful, and whether I am able to do it again or not, its still something about “boobs” thats is truly AWESOME and amazing to me! And its something that it really doesnt’ matter what size you are! I think breastfeeding week just ended?? right? anyway, for all your BF moms out there. KUDDOS to you! YOU rock YOU are awesome YOU are my hero!!!

And ladies. Let’s face it. Our bosom makes us woman. It makes us appealing to our husbands (or future husbands if you aren’t married). They make us have curves, make us beautifulk, make us appealing, and make us….well us! We really SHOULD treasure them. NO MATTER WHAT SIZE!! It doesnt’ matter. We are all beautiful! ALWAYS. ALL OF US. We are all made unique. We are all made beautiful 🙂 So ladies. As annoying as they are sometimes.  Lets love our lady parts. Let’s take care of them. So, like me, you probably have a love hate relationship with them, but maybe we could try and love them a little more than we hate them? 😛


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