Raw, honest, truth

Ok, so wow, it is REALLY been awhile since I have blogged. To be honest, I haven’t felt like doing much of anything lately. Baby 2 (I haven’t decided on a nickname  yet, leave a comment for good ones! HAHA) has been making me a WEE bit sick, haha, that’s an understatement, but I am approaching my second trimester (WOW! ALREADY!?) so I am HOPING and PRAYING to our Lord God that the nausea stops! I am ok today (so far anyway) so I am hoping thats a good sign. I had thought I felt better, but then BAM, it hit again, this time worse. This past tuesday was awful. I had a migraine ALL day and threw up 7 times. Yes, it was not the most pleasant of experiences, especially trying to take care of an almost 2 year old toddler. Thankfully, Katie is such a sweet and caring girl. She knows when mommy doesn’t feel good. To be honest though, I let her watch TV that day. I know what “they” say about it causing ADD or what not, but I think thats better than mommy losing it or yelling or just dying really. Come on now, I was sick! I needed a break. Aren’t us mom’s allowsed those? LOL! “They” say not to let your kid watch tv under 2, but REALLY!??? I think i would go insane. katie watches her 2 PBS shows (Sid and Super Why) while I take a shower and eat breakfast. I think she is managing quite fine, lol.

Next, Andrew and I have really  been working towards growing our marriage and making it stronger. It is very true that when you are working toward something the God is calling you to do, Satan attacks.  We have been ornary towards each other, unkind sometimes and unloving, short tempered, angry, pretty much all the opposites of what christ commands a marriage relationship to be. We love each other very much, but we have a lot going on and are just not being as compassionate as we could be. So, a very amazing friend, sent us the Fireproof your marriage study. We are working through that and had a GREAT talk last night. Yes, some of the talks we have gotten offensive (ok, maybe more so me, I tend to get defensive sometimes) but it has really helped to have a diving board persay to jump off and know how to talk. The leading questions have helped us expand on our frustrations and what we desire our marriage to look like. So, I think it will be really great.

I had another doctor’s appt and heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time! IT WAS AWESOME. I almost cried 🙂 I was so happy. the doctor was very happy with my health and the babies. I have gained a whopping 2 lbs so far! HAHA. Oh well, she was happy with that 🙂 now that I am in the second trimester almost, I should gain about a pound a week, though with Katie, I didn’t gain that much. But, Katie came out ok, so I am just going to my best to eat healthy and let God take care of the rest.

I am known to be VERY obessive about my weight. It is really bad. I was weighing myself multiple times a day, it was ridiculous. I finally realized that is NOT healthy, not only for me, but for my baby. If I kept doing that, Iwould end up being so scared to gain, I wouldn’t gain enough for the baby 😦 So, I gave my scale to Andrew and he hid it. I feel much better. My weight is something I struggled with in college. I have NEVER been big! I am small, tiny even, I know this, but for some reason I allow Satan in my head to tell me lies, like you are fat, you are ugly. The bad relationship in college I was in, the guy would constantly tell me I was fat and ugly. I even got to a point where I was basically starving myself, eating only one meal a day, and a lean cuisine at that, AND running three miles everyday. When I met Andrew I was in an awful job I hate, so I was depressed and stressed, so I gained a little. I lost it after I quit, but I became quickly obsessed again. I was working out over an hour a day, and would FREAK if I forgot a day or didn’t have time. I would even do it on vacations. I would be constantly counting calories to make sure I didn’t go over 1500 a day. Yes, it was bad. I got WAY to skinny to the point even my doctor was concerned. I was FINALLY over it, or so I thought. For several years I was ok, until we moved here. I bought a scale (the devil’s tool I swear) and off I went again. Ugh never again. It is NOT worth it, especially when so many around were once again worrying about my size telling me I was already getting too small. I am starting out this pregnancy smaller than I was with Katie and was pretty close to being underweight. I guess this blog I am just being open and completely raw. I have been struggling with a lot lately. There has been a lot going on. I wanted to be honest. Girls, if you are struggling with weight issues, or self esteem issues, please dont! Do your best to take care of the body God gave you and to be healthy. Let GOD determine how He wants you to be once you are doing that. Everyone is built differantly and made differantly. plus! I heard having a little extra weight is  A LOT healthier than not enough. WOOHOO! 🙂 hehe

let’s see, what else has been going on? Geez, what hasn’t been?  Oh! katie has had nightmares, but thankfully, I think we figured out what she needed, hopefully! We are also working towards praying together more as a family and I really believe that is helping.  I really do believe that Satan is trying to bring us down. I am not saying he was causing Katie’s nightmares, but I do know we need to do all we can to fight off the enemy. We need to always be putting God first, and we haven’t been too good at that lately, honestly. We are working on a lot around here, alot together, alot in ourselves, and just learning from the Lord. Life is a long and hard process at times, but I know if we stick it out, work together, keeping God as our captain, we will come out better and stronger than we could have ever imagined.

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