Every “Mommy’s” Struggle

There is a book entitled “Every Women’s Battle.”  No, I have not read it yet, but I have heard it is pretty good.  Perhaps I should read it. The struggle I am talking about that most, if not EVERY, mother deals with is worry. I have blogged about my worry previously, but I am not sure how honest I really was about MY struggle with it.  I have admitted to worrying, I have admitted to having anxiety at times, however, I don’t think I have been fully honest with how MUCH I worry.  I don’t just worry like a normal mommy worry.  I take it to the nth degree.  I drive Andrew, and friends (I AM SO SORRY!) absolutely INSANE. I have one friend who tells me “whatever it is, you’re being stupid.”  That sounds harsh, but I need to hear it, because it’s true.  I AM being stupid.  I have worried about some of the same things over and over again, asking the same questions, over and over again.   It is ridiculous.  I am a worryholic.  Worry can be just as destructive as any other addiction.  I am addicted to worrying sometimes.  Worry sucks life out of you.  Worry sucks the life out of those around you and robs the joy from your life.  Worry makes you not see positive around you, but instead focus on the negative, or worse, LOOK for a negative that is just NOT there.  I finally decided that enough is enough.  I was too embarassed to ask my doctor about it for fear that I would be labeled “crazy” or just “not trusting God.”   I know some people don’t agree with medication for worry/anxiety/depression, however, after experiencing such EXTREME worry in my life, I  have realized that sometimes, you NEED something to help you.  I was always a worrier, but after Katie was born, it intensified.  Some of that worry will always be there, it’s the normal, “mommy worry”, but I think my hormones got a little whack after birth.  So, after talking with my doctor, we decided to put me on medicine to help.  I was worrying about things that most people would not even THINK of worrying about.  SO, I just felt the need to be a little honest about worry.  Worry is something a lot of people deal with.  Worry is NOT something to be embarassed about asking for help on either.  So, if you are suffering from worry and anxiety and cannot seem to get control of it, don’t be scared to talk with your doctor.  I have been on my meds for a little over a week.  I know they take some time to fully work.  I am beginning to feel a little more calm, and it is freeing!  Also, a lot of the time, people don’t need them forever!  Just for a few months or so to help readjust the chemicals in their brain.  So, just be praying for this struggle for me.  It was more that just a little worry.  It was obsession.  I know that with Christ, I can conquer this, and I truly believe that sometimes the Lord can allow a doctor and their advice/medicine to be an aid IN conquering that.  Don’t let worry suck the joy from your life.  It sucked the joy in my life for way too long.  Now, I have to reteach my brain to CREATE and ENJOY. . .JOY!  Not take it away.  It will be a constant struggle for me, I know, but with the Lord, your prayers and other’s love, I know I can do it!

~ by emmyk on November 3, 2009.